S2E10: Gold Beyond the Stars

OLIVIA: A worm stuck on the sidewalk. The sun was glaring, and I had a popsicle with me. Red and blue, two quarters change in the pocket of my overalls. I stood there watching it. I…I didn’t help it. Cars sped by on the freeway that cut through our small town. The weeping willow across the street swayed in the breeze. I could hear the neighbors splashing in their new pool, the rainbow of chlorinated light played on the siding. Melted sugar dripped down the wooden stick, over my fingers, onto the broken concrete. And from under the porch crept a stray cat. Dark, dusty fur shone under the high noon sun.

The cat came and snapped the worm up in its little mouth. It looked at me for just a moment, dead thing hanging from its teeth, then took its prey back into the dark space under the house. 

That’s probably the earliest memory I have. I was maybe…six? The clearest one from that far back, anyway. I can’t remember what happened before, or after. I probably went swimming with the neighbors. Who can say? If I don’t remember it, and no one else does, did it even happen?

I lived in a tiny town on the outskirts of a small town, just north of a big town, northeast of the city. We had a farmhouse, and a big yard with lots of trees. At least until my parents split.

I met Nadia when we were on the same tour of Ohio State, probably late junior year. She lived a bit north of me in Michigan. She said we should hang out some time, and by some miracle, we actually did. We didn’t have a ton in common, but we liked each other’s company. Didn’t hurt that I liked her art, too.

My dad left first. Mom sold the house. We moved north, out in the wooded country, and I transferred to Deerland. There I met Alex and Daryll. Were all in the same class, and we spent the last year and a half of high school together, just Nadia, Alex, Daryll, and I.

Then came the eclipse. That long, awful night feels so short now compared to what was to come after.

The memory of the eclipse ended, and I was flung forward into the past. Memories disappeared within memories, like a mouth eating itself. I descended further into my mind. I got into OSU. Nadia did too, but she settled on Oberlin. She really did have something special. I studied lit and communications. Thought maybe I’d work with a non-profit. Good grades, no real extracurriculars, a lot of time alone. 

I graduated, I worked here and there. I stayed in on friday nights and read on sundays. I watched, day by day, as I wasted my twenties. If things continued as they always had, Scarlet would bleed out in the Department building in a few years’ time. She’s tough, but not so tough she’d get through a bullet to the chest with no help.

What would it take? What would I need to do to save her? I wasn’t in the past, just the image of it, so I couldn’t alter any of the events that took place. All I could change was my mind.

Medical school, surgical training. Five to seven years, plus practical experience. That was out of the question. 

Combat medic training, 26 weeks to 52 weeks. Torturous, but it would do. I’d have to learn it all from within and hope when the time came, my hands were steady enough to match my head. 

It was agonizing to not check on Alex, Scarlet, all those years. I knew she was hurting, she was alone. But I couldn’t do a thing about it. I went to school again, worked a job I didn’t remember, spent time with friends I never knew I had. I took up fencing right before I dropped out of grad school. I saw dad again. He looked sadder than I remembered. Thinner.

Waiting. I waited years and years. Worse than waiting, I was cursed by knowledge. I knew so much and could do so little. But I had wanted this. A lifetime ago, I was warned, and I still walked into the dark. There was no going back. 

It wasn’t all bad, though. I was living parts of my life for the first time…again. I was listening to new music, trying new foods, ruining new relationships. I saw life begin to crack through the sidewalk and reach for the sun. I was slowly, bit by interminable bit, restoring pieces of myself that had been lost. After all, what are we without who we were?

I had time to think, too. About the big things in life, and about what I want out of it. Who I really am and what I want to do. Philosophy 101, I know. What Gertrude Hecks said kept coming back to me, too. I saw all my foibles from the outside, everyone else’s too–none as embarrassing as my own, though–and all the systemic failures that contributed. Maybe Hecks was right, and it’s just hard to see when you’re in the middle of it. But what if there was another way?

Then I got the email. I was buzzing with excitement. I’d waited so long. The interview was a strange thing. I talked with Yellow Acces, and she quizzed me about a few things. Some of it I remembered, the second half I did not. Before I left, I was introduced to someone from something called the Blank Commission. They pruned the branches of my past once again, but this time I saw it.

Then came orientation, lockdown, Larks, Green floating, Scarlet down. And there I was, holding Scarlet. An archway of light stood in the middle of the lobby. I walked through, a moment later my shadow followed, and the waiting was over.

I was older now, but my face didn’t show it. I was free. I was tired. I was home.

***

LAPIS: I have hit the breakthrough, Yellow.

YELLOW: Oh? Do tell.

LAPIS: I have come to the great understanding that Green knew. This building, it can be shaped, yes? Like clay. 

YELLOW: I don’t know if it’s that simple, but yes, it can be changed.

LAPIS: With only my mind I can change it. It is…much to ponder.

YELLOW: Yes, yes, on with it.

LAPIS: Why must I stop with the building? Why do I not bend the street outside? I should be joyed to make rooms and houses to fill with thoughts. 

YELLOW: I…I don’t think I follow. You think you can change…anything?

LAPIS: I believe this is the understanding I am feeling.

YELLOW: Show me.

LAPIS: I have already been doing it before now.

YELLOW: Where, darling? Prove it. This office looks the same as always, minus a few broken windows.

LAPIS: We are not in the building of the Department.

YELLOW, off guard: O-oh? You’ve taken us somewhere?

LAPIS: No, you miss the understanding. We go nowhere, the world around us goes. Please do now look at the hidden footage cameras.

YELLOW: How did you know–

LAPIS: Simply see it.

YELLOW: There are…that’s so many Larks. How did you turn them so quickly? The birdsong takes time to latch on.

LAPIS: These little ones were not turned, they were fabricated. Plucked from my mind into being.

YELLOW, almost accusatory: You’re a conjurer.

LAPIS: I see visions, and the visions come to life by those who see them. I think I can do mostly anything I think.

YELLOW: Oh, fantastic work, dear. Now, if you would be so kind as to wear this earpiece.

LAPIS: It does not have the image of an earpiece.

YELLOW: Newest model, very clear sound.

LAPIS: We do not have the electronics here, yes? It looks to me very much like a small egg.

YELLOW: This is the last step, Lapis Lore. Just place it in your ear and the job’s done.

LAPIS: I do not want the ear egg. I do not. 

YELLOW: Take it, or we may have to consider placing a demerit on your record.

LAPIS: But…*sigh* yes, Yellow. I will take the egg.

***

NADIA, groggy: mmm…Sterling? Gabe? What’s…Oh. Oh my god, no. Gabe…what did she do to you? I can’t stick around.

I looked around for a way out, but the door was chained shut. The only exit was…well, the same way we came in. Through the vents. I climbed through bug hell again, and got on the freight elevator. It would take me to B1, the parking garage, and I could leave. I…I wanted to help everyone, but what could I do? Sort their problems alphabetically? Answer the phones? I’d be no help. 

So I left. I left the building, left the Department. I just…left. How could I go back after that?

I…I don’t know what happened to Sterling–sorry, Rowan–but…it doesn’t look good. I’m sorry, Vivi.

EVA: I mean, I didn’t really know him that well. But I appreciate it. Thanks, Nods. And if he is gone, I’m…sorry for your loss.

NADIA: He said he met up with you. Said it’s a shame to not be close with your family, you know? 

EVA: Yeah, I mean, you haven’t called me in like six months.

NADIA: I’m sorry, I know I’m bad about it. 

EVA: That’s why I pester you.

NADIA: I know, I know. How’s Emily?

EVA: She’s…fine? I think she got into some weird shit, like weird internet shit. I don’t know. But she seems healthy and she isn’t using slurs or anything, so whatever. She moved out to Maryland in June.

NADIA: She’s just kind of always been like that. 

EVA: Her and David got engaged, too.

NADIA: No way.

EVA: Yeah way. Mom was thrilled. Who’d have guessed she’d be first to get hitched.

NADIA: Well, I would have. 

EVA: Well, yeah, okay. I get it. We’re just built different, huh.

NADIA: A couple of weirdos. 

EVA: You should come visit now that you’re unemployed. Again.

NADIA: Yeah. 

EVA: I mean it. Don’t just say you’ll come here and then blow it off until christmas, Nods.

NADIA: I know.

*pause*

EVA: Need money again?

NADIA: No, no. I’m fine for now. 

EVA: You can always crash on my couch again if you need to. Just like old times.

NADIA: Just like old, bad times.

EVA: Do you remember when Emily was born?

NADIA: Not really. I was pretty young. 

EVA: Dad always wanted a boy. But he got three girls.

NADIA: Sucks to suck.

EVA: Don’t talk about him like that. He was just old school.

NADIA: Whatever. Go on.

EVA: When mom came home with her, you cried and cried. Do you remember why?

NADIA: No.

EVA: Because you thought she’d be my new favorite sister. My new best friend. 

NADIA: Ugh, God.

EVA: Then you tore all my posters off the wall and told mom Em looked like a worm.

NADIA: Damn, pretty sick burn for that age.

EVA: I was just thinking about it the other day, and I wondered. Why’d you take it out on me?

NADIA: I don’t know, I was four.

EVA: Fair. Hey, mom sent me her old cookbook. Want me to make you a copy?

NADIA: How is that thing still holding together?

EVA: It literally isn’t. I had to tape it back together.

NADIA: I don’t really cook.

EVA: It’s not about that. It’s like a piece of her, you know? You’ll regret not having it when she kicks it.

NADIA: Fine. Make me a copy. 

EVA: Sooo, anything new? Seeing anyone?

NADIA: Still nope.

EVA: All right, all right. You’re missing out, though. And you’re not getting any younger.

NADIA: I have friends, you know. I have hobbies, I have a life. Not everyone needs to get married.

EVA: I know that, but mom would really like it if you did. And I’m the one she bugs about it.

NADIA: It’s not happening.

EVA: Are you suuure?

NADIA: You go first. 

EVA: Ha! So be real with me. Are you…you know.

NADIA: Eva. I told you like five years ago. Yes.

EVA: It’s cool with me, you know.

NADIA: I dated Alex for a year. I brought her to thanksgiving. Mom thought we were roommates until we kissed on the way out.

EVA: I think she blocked that from her mind. I’m just saying.

*pause*

NADIA: You know I’m not a kid anymore, right? You don’t need to second guess everything I do.

EVA: Do I treat you like a kid?

NADIA: Yes, literally right now.

EVA: I don’t mean to. I just want the best for you.

NADIA: I know. You should trust me to know what that is.

EVA: I should trust you more. And you should call more. Call mom. I’m sure she’d love to tell you Emily’s big news. Big old catholic wedding.

NADIA: Ew.

EVA: What, too good for God now?

NADIA: When’s the last time you went to mass?

EVA: Got me there. I guess I’m not really into the whole “organized” part, but I do think something’s out there.

NADIA: I get you.

EVA: You don’t?

NADIA: Not really. I don’t know. 

EVA: How can you just…not believe in anything? Isn’t it…lonely?

NADIA: I don’t really think about it. Got bigger problems. What with the world being on fire and having no job and all.

EVA: It’s a hot one, isn’t it? They better have the wedding in like April or it’s gonna be miserable. Mom would love a cold wedding.

NADIA: How’s mom doing?

EVA: Surgery went well.

NADIA: I should come up this weekend. Instead of a call.

EVA: She’s still in PT though.

NADIA: Maybe I should wait.

EVA: Nah, come up. It’d make her week.

NADIA: I’ll drive up this weekend.

EVA: Yeah! I’ll get some cab sav and let mom know. Love you, Nadia.

NADIA: Love you too, Eva. And. I’m…I’m sorry.

EVA: For what?

NADIA: For being…like this.

EVA: Don’t apologize for who you are. We all care about you, even with the…variance whatever. We just wish you’d visit more.

NADIA: I know. I like spending time with you all. I’m just…tired. Seems like everything’s falling off a cliff and I’m just trying to hold on.

EVA: That’s what family’s for. To help you hold on, even when you feel like you’re on your own. Good family, anyway. Some of my friends’ parents would pry their fingers off the ledge with a smile. Fuckin Baptists. But they can go to hell. In fact, and if I had my way, I’d make sure of that as soon as possible.

NADIA: I appreciate it. I really do.

EVA: I’ll see you Friday.

***

NYARRATOR: Jasmine was vaulted back into the office, back into her present consciousness. She was disoriented, exhausted beyond words, but she was back.

JASMINE: Y-you’re back, too. You’re here.

NYARRATOR: Jasmine indeed heard a familiar voice.

JASMINE, distraught: Wait…you’re here. No, no, that’s not…that can’t be. Unless…

NYARRATOR: There was no time for conjecture now. Before her lay Scarlet, hot red blood oozing from her chest. Jasmine sprinted to the lobby bathroom, where they kept one of the emergency kits. Gunshot wound first aid and a deadbolt behind the door in case of aggressor. 

JASMINE: This should slow the bleeding. Stay with me, Scarlet. Hey, do you remember when we ate pretzels at the mall?

SCARLET, weak: Why would…I…

JASMINE: And that awful cooking wine? Come on, you remember. That night. In the woods.

SCARLET: Wait…Liv? Olivia…you can’t be the same. How did I forget–

JASMINE: Shh, I’m Jasmine here.

SCARLET: How…how did…

JASMINE: The Blank Commission. They got to us just before we got out. But I’m here for you. I’ve always been here.

SCARLET: You were always there…four of us…in the jeep…

JASMINE: Yeah. God, my hands are too slick, I can’t hold it steady. Press your palm here.

SCARLET: fffuuuuck….

JASMINE: I know it hurts, but I also know you’re tough, and annoyingly stubborn. You won’t let yourself die on me.

SCARLET: I’m…I’m trying, Jaz, but…I think I’m fading.

JASMINE: It’s not enough. I spent so much of myself. And it’s still not enough. 

SCARLET: It burns. The bullet. I can feel it.

JASMINE: Hold on, hold on. Let me try one more thing. This may feel a little weird.

NYARRATOR: Jasmine placed her bloody fingers on Scarlet’s chest, just over the wound. She pressed her hand against Scarlet’s skin, then thorugh it, through flesh and muscle and bone, into the soul of this field agent, into the very essence of Scarlet. Molten lead dripped from her core like venom. Jasmine wrapped her fingers around the hateful ore. It burned like she’d stuck her hand in hot coals. The metal sizzled and stung, but she held on anyway. She enclosed the shrapnel in her fist, and pulled. Her arm reeled back through layers of Scarlet, like rose petals pushing outward. Her hand left Scarlet’s body, and with it came a long blade.

JASMINE: W-what…

SCARLET: It’s gone…the burning stopped.

NYARRATOR: In Jasmine’s hand was an odd sword, edge outlined in humming waves. A phantasmagoric blade of sound. She swung it once, and the air rippled around it.

SCARLET: Holy shit, dude…

*sword clatters*

JASMINE: There’s time to check that out later. How’s the bleeding?

SCARLET: I think it’s slowing down. I’m so weak.

JASMINE: You’re not weak.

SCARLET: I’ve never seen so much blood.

JASMINE: I know. I know. Stay still, let me get it sealed.

SCARLET: How? How did you do any of this?

JASMINE: I’m a combat medic.

SCARLET: Bullshit. You never mentioned that.

JASMINE: Because I wasn’t before. Or didn’t know I was. But now I am.

SCARLET: I think…I think I can sit up.

JASMINE: Whoa, hey, take it slow. I know you’re resilient, but that’s still a serious injury.

SCARLET: I’ve had heartburn worse.

JASMINE: You don’t have to comfort me. I…I’ve seen death, Scarlet.

SCARLET: I…I know.

JASMINE: But so much life, too. 

SCARLET: I’m gonna test my legs.

JASMINE: Don’t–okay, if you’re going to do it, hold on to my shoulder.

*both effort noises*

SCARLET: Is my jaunt–

JASMINE: Over there. I’ll get it for you.

SCARLET: All right. I can limp at least. Jesus, it’s finally over. We made it. We can leave this viper pit.

JASMINE: …no. I’m not going.

SCARLET: Are you kidding me? Why the hell not. The door’s right there.

JASMINE: I…I can’t let the Primaries get away with this. Yellow is still around and probably scheming. I don’t know what Red or Blue have planned, but it can’t be good. And I get the feeling they were involved with what happened ten years ago.

SCARLET: So what? What can you do?

NYARRATOR: Jasmine thought back to what Gertrude had said. Variance didn’t need to be something feared and contained. It lived beside us day after day. It was some of us.

JASMINE: I…I can hear them still. Even here. That means…There is another way, and I’m just now starting to understand what that might be. Memory and perception, dreams and reality…they’re connected.

JASMINE: I’m going to find Yellow, Blue, and Red, and I’m going to cancel their plans. This place shouldn’t even exist. The sand experiment, Green’s tests, the Larks. It’s all wrong. They’re trying to harness this stuff for their own gain. This job is a prison, and it’s going to get us all killed. So I’m going to tear it down. The Primaries, the Bureau, the whole damn institution if I have to. 

SCARLET: You mean “we”?

JASMINE: Hm?

SCARLET: We are going to stop them, we are going to tear the system down. You’ll need as many comrades as you can get if you’re planning a showdown with the Primaries. I’m coming with you.

JASMINE: Scarlet, you’re barely standing. 

SCARLET: Give me twenty minutes and I can kick your ass again.

JASMINE: I…I want you to leave. I want you to get home safe and sound. I…I can’t see a friend hurt again.

SCARLET: Too damn bad, Jaz. You thought I was stubborn before? I just took a bullet and lived. I’m fucking invincible. Nobody can tell me what to do ever again.

JASMINE: I’m glad you’re getting back to normal, at least.

SCARLET: Normal as hell. Like khakis. Applesauce. A dog with a wet nose and football on sunday. So normal, dude. 

JASMINE: At least we have some equipment now. You’ve got your jaunt, and I’ve got…this.

SCARLET: Also very normal.

JASMINE: The normalizer. 

SCARLET: So did you pull that thing…uh…out of me?

JASMINE: Yeah, I think so.

SCARLET: So it’s kind of like…my metal daughter.

JASMINE: Are you sure you’re okay?

SCARLET: It’ll take me a few to get all that blood back.

JASMINE: We can do this together. Yellow, Blue, Red. Pink, whatever you may be. Can you hear us? We’re clawing our way back up to the top, and we’re coming for you. 

END

***

*door creaks*

ORANGE: Not now, I’m about to clock out. Come back–wait.

NYA: Dost thou not remember?

ORANGE: Nya?

NYA: The titular and singular.

*drawer flies open, gun cocks*

ORANGE: Why the hell did you come back? How?

NYA: There’s no need for such violence. Nya is not here to dominate or destroy. Nya is here to…converse.

ORANGE: Whew. You like whiskey?

NYA: Nya has spoken on this before. Nya would rather drink raw sewage than human indulgents. 

ORANGE: Haven’t changed a bit, have you?

NYA: For Orange, it has been years. For Nya, it has been nothing. 

ORANGE: No shit.

NYA: I…wanted to express gratitude.

ORANGE: You’re welcome, furball. Anything else?

NYA: No.

*pause*

ORANGE: So…that was fun. I’m gonna go. See you on the other side, pal.

*step, step*

ORANGE: Hey, uh, what are you doing?

NYA: Nya will be thy shadow.

ORANGE: Oh, no, not this again. 

NYA: You have no say in the matter.

ORANGE: So I’m stuck with you again?

NYA: Nya does as one pleases, and thou, human, are lonely once more. As such, Nya shall lead.

ORANGE: Not lonely, divorced. Heavily, drunkenly divorced. But…I guess it couldn’t hurt to have someone watching my back for a bit. Say, that Olivia kid…how’s she doing?

NYA: Olivia is here. Jasmine Control.

ORANGE: No.

NYA: Yes, in the lobby. Just moments ago, this human threw Yellow Access about like the mouse in the cat’s jaw.

ORANGE: No, no, no. She’s bad news. She’s…god, she’s dangerous. Existentially, ontologically dangerous. How did she know? How did she get here? 

NYA: She was sent an invitation.

ORANGE: By who? What…what are you?

NYA: Naught more than residue. 

ORANGE: Why the hell would someone bring her here? After all the work I did to make sure she wouldn’t remember a god damned second of that night?

NYA: Nya foretold it would recur in ten year intervals. 

ORANGE: Oh. So that means…it’s already been…

NYA: Yes. The gold beyond the stars returns in 24 hours, and this time, the Primaries will be there to greet it.

END